Real
by Maroon-dragon
Summary: this is the sisterstory of the weakness in me...Bella contemplates her relation with Edward and her affair with Jasper. Please rate and review...


**This is the partner-story of the weakness in me. This time it is Bella her view on her relation with Edward and her affair with Jasper….It took me a while to find a song that I wanted to use for her thoughts on it…the song is called real sung by plumb. **

As I looked into the mirror I couldn't help but frown. I was gorgeous no doubt about it, but I wasn't real. I was some sort of fairy tale and as much as I loved those it wasn't what I wanted. My twenty third birthday had come and gone. I didn't like to celebrate it as a human and definitely not as a vampire. I hated it when I was with Edward because it had meant that I was growing older when he wasn't, but now as a vampire I could understand Rosalie her desperation more. I would never see anything change anymore. Yes, I could straighten my hair and put on different clothes and make-up but that didn't change a thing. I wasn't real.

_Look at me I'm twenty three  
Beautiful a sight to see  
Tonight_

As I pulled on the tight black dress I looked again in the mirror. I may just not be real but the person who I was going to was. He was gorgeous but had his flaws unlike some other people I knew. He craved me unlike any other thing in the world and he loved me unlike anyone in the world. I loved Edward don't get me wrong, but my heart wasn't entirely his anymore. I now cradled two hearts and so did he.

_A little dress to draw the press  
And I'll be leaving  
All the rest behind  
_

As I locked the door of the cottage behind me I locked with that the heart of one man. I left my whole family and my commitments to them there. They had no place in where I was going. I needed peace from everything and I craved that so much I was willing to risk my family and so was he.

I entered the Cullen-mansion and was immediately bowled over by Alice. A little piece of me shattered when I saw him wrap his arms around her waist and kiss her temple. 'he wasn't mine.' I chanted, hoping that for once I would believe myself. Because I knew I had him. I had a fragment of his heart.

_Well be pleased girl  
If this is what you wanted  
The whole world is watching you take the stage  
What will you say_

To say I was happy would be far from it. I felt on a stage every day until I could flee into his arms. Keeping my mind undecided so no one would suspect a thing. I had wanted this for so long and the first year I was a vampire it went well. Then the reality set in and I was bowled over by fears and the acting started. Only he saw through me and so we started the affair. I saw him for who he was and he saw me. We were at peace. Yin and Yang only to be divided by rules and other people their hearts. We owed those people so much, yet we did it. I always wondered what people would say when they found out.

_Aren't I lovely  
And do you want me cause  
I am hungry for something that will make me real  
Can you see me and  
Do you love me cause  
I am desperately searching for something  
Real_

I was so lovely. That was what everyone said. The truth was I had lost myself with it. I had never been beautiful and graceful and I had characterized myself with that. Now I didn't know what I was. I was a fairy tale come true and I needed something real to see myself again. When I was with him he could see my blush again because he could feel it. He could see my clumsiness reappear as I made the mistake again and again by sleeping with him. He gave me my humanity back.

_I close my eyes imagine time  
Will not forget  
My sacrifice_

I sacrificed so much to get me where I was. How could people not understand that what they saw wasn't me anymore. I loved my role of a mother and wife but I craved humanity. I loved being a vampire and all the abilities I got with it. I was so torn up. I decorated my empty life with studies and being the perfect mother and wife but I wasn't. Far from it even. When he first saw through me I felt like I was naked for everyone to see. Like I was standing on a stage a beam on me showing me for what I was; a scared woman, no a scared girl. And he nursed me when he could. Soothed me when needed and he cared for me. Edward had been right all along to be jealous of him. With his abilities he had been able to read what was hidden for everyone else and made him take a step closer to my heart and take it.

_I numb the ache and decorate  
My emptiness  
Stand naked in the light_

Well be pleased world  
If this is what you wanted  
This young girl is everything that you made  
What will she say

I was the epitome of beauty and perfection. I was a shadow of my former self. Yet with it came a great actress to fill up the shadow. To make it move on its own accord. To show everyone how happy I was. Be pleased everyone cause you have created what you wanted me to be. He was the only one who wondered what the real Bella was screaming behind the shadows. How she was wandering through the darkness in a hopeless search of her old self. And just as I was about to give up he interjected and saved a bit of my old self. I was grateful for Edward and what he had done and I loved him, but it was Jasper who saved me. Edward always saved me from the danger from outside but it was Jasper who had saved me from the biggest danger in the world. Myself.

_Aren't I lovely  
And do you want me cause  
I am hungry for something that will make me real  
Can you see me and  
Do you love me cause  
I am desperately searching for something  
Real_

The world goes home  
The lights go down  
My lipstick fades  
Away

As soon as everyone was gone he picked me up took me to the room and the lights went off. The show was over. My lipstick faded as it ended up on his lips. I was resting here. This was my place to give me the energy I needed to continue playing. To keep up the charade. As he entered my body I arched into him. Giving him access to the rest of my body. As he kissed me on the spot my unbeating heart was I was sure I could feel it beat just very softly. It was Edward who gave me my life but it was Jasper who gave me humanity.

_Aren't I lovely  
And do you want me cause  
I am hungry for something that will make me real  
Can you see me and  
Do you love me cause  
I am desperately searching for something  
Real_

As I looked into the mirror with him behind me, his arms wrapped securely around my waist I saw something different. Given to me by the man behind me. The one that made me torn up between my family and friends and my husband and him. I saw not a fairy tale. I saw a real woman, A normal human woman. In the arms of the man she loved.

**Well this was it please rate and review….and if you hadn't already please also read the weakness in me…about Jasper his point of view. **


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